There are a significant number of comments with attempts to derail the discussion in ways that can really only be interpreted as attacks on Autistic people. The claims seem to be that the problem is not violent sexual assault at conferences, but guys on the Autism Spectrum who hit on girls when they don’t want it. Naturally no supporting evidence was made for such claims. But that doesn’t stop the discussion which has a logical end-point of excluding people like me from conferences.
I think it’s ironic that those who are making claims about what they call “empathy disorders” have failed to be Empathic by not realising the following things:
Women who start a discussion about serious sexual assault probably aren’t going to be happy if someone starts talking about chat-up attempts. While unwanted chat-up attempts are unpleasant they are in a different category and mixing them seems to be diminishing the significance of violent attack.
Most members of a minority group (in this case women in the Free Software community) probably don’t want discussions of how to help their group diverted by discussions that attack another minority group. What looks a lot like a “divide and conquer” attack against minority groups isn’t going to be appreciated by members of either group – and probably members of other minority groups who see what’s happening aren’t going to like it.
There is no reason why people should require significant exposure to members of a minority group to treat them in a decent manner. The claim that we need more women at conferences so that men can get used to them and not treat them badly is ridiculous. Among the many stupid aspects of that idea is forgetting the fact that women comprise 52% of the population in first-world countries and we all deal with women every day. Women at IT conferences are not fundamentally different from women in the rest of society.
When most people interpret your writing in a way other than what you intended it seems to be a reasonable assumption that you failed to explain things clearly. Telling everyone who disagrees to “get therapy” is unlikely to help convey your point. Telling people to “get therapy” is particularly likely to get a bad reaction if you are discussing something that actually involves dealing with psychologists.
Having to be told how other people feel is not inherently a sign of a lack of Empathy. Asking people how they feel because you can’t work it out is a sign of Empathy as it indicates an acknowledgement that other people have different emotions and you probably don’t understand them all. The people who know that they can’t understand other people and listen when told are probably better than average when it comes to Empathy.
Finally what people say about themselves and their own experiences should be taken seriously.
Some Final Points
Instead of talking about how some other people should be more Empathic it seems that a better idea would be to try and demonstrate Empathy. Set a positive example.
I think that the experience of a lot of people on the Autism Spectrum is similar to mine. It’s not that we can’t work things out it’s just that it takes a lot longer. For things that can’t be worked out in real time we have rules based on past experience. Naturally the rules include “don’t touch people” and “don’t try to chat up women at conferences“.